I am getting comfortable with saying “God”.
After I say it the first time, it gets even easier.
The first time I say it though, I have to really stretch it out.
When I say it the first time, it’s like when you try on a shoe and you’re trying to decide if you should pick the next size up – it just doesn’t feel right. But then you walk around in it for a little bit, and it gradually starts to feel better. (I’m still uncomfortable with saying God because I wasn’t raised with that language or with religion – it’s a process).
So then I say God a couple more times, and I feel okay.
I am praying now too. (That’s why I’ve been saying “God” lately, because I feel like it would be rude to not greet the most high. So I say, “Hi God…” And yes, I do feel like Judy Blume).
That is how I start my prayers, with a hello. The first thirty seconds are the hardest, because I feel extremely silly. I feel like I am talking to myself, and who knows, maybe I am.
But then something great happens – I stop caring. I stop caring about how silly I feel, and just do it because it feels nice. Praying is a beautiful thing because you can express everything you want to without the fear of being judged. What a gift.
This was my first honesty post. I don’t say honesty as in I haven’t been telling the truth in all my other posts – because they’re all true and real. What I mean is that I didn’t write a draft of this. What you just read was literally typed out in maybe 10 minutes or so, no edits. No outline. No searches for better vocabulary words, or worries of whether this is grammatically correct. This was just me putting my thoughts onto the screen, so I hoped you enjoyed and there will be more of these to come.