I thought about you yesterday.
Do you still miss me?
You woke up. went to work. I wasn’t there to button your shirt..but that’s okay.
Although misunderstood, we are better off this way.
Now we live separately.
From the road trip we went on.
And it was a wonderful trip.
We flew through cloud cloaked peaks and witnessed the pure birth of Absolute Adoration.
We dug through soil, rich with Heartbreak. scratching our knuckles and wiping sweat from our foreheads as Life lectured to us on what True Love really is.
We skipped through frothy waves and built majestic sandcastles, soaking up each beautiful second of a sun that was nice enough to Shine On Us.
And sometimes –
sometimes we just sat in the car, gazing at a Star Filled Sky in utter appreciation of what we had found in each other..but also in Unspoken Fear of what we had found in each other.
And it was a wonderful trip.
But the car broke down.
It was minimal at first.
– just a simple oil change was needed.
The fixes were simple, easy.
Then a tire needed replacing. A tail light fell off.
Repairs started piling up.
But instead of really fixing them, we just put duck tape on it. Lying to ourselves when we said, “It’ll be fine, it’ll work itself out.”
We got into a couple accidents along the way.
Paint scratches spread across our beautiful little car like a virus laying claim to healthy cells. These Scratches? remained a reminder of the violence – our beautiful. road tripping. car. had been through.
Our Beautiful Car
and Our Wonderful Trip
met their end when we came to a Fork in the Road.
You were so excited to jump off the bridge! that you forgot I was afraid of heights..
You were so obsessed with the journey that you didn’t realize
We had exhausted. our beautiful. road tripping. car.
You saw nothing. No paint scratches. No ducktaped taillight. Blinded by the beauty of what was..
You didn’t see what the accidents had done to our beautiful. road tripping. car..what they had done to me.
You didn’t see me.
So when you jumped off the bridge..you didn’t look back for me because you assumed I was following you. But I stayed. On that bridge.
And that was the end of our wonderful. trip.
I remember what we had.
Do I still love you?
I don’t know. I don’t think so.
What scares me though is knowing how easy it would be.
to go right back to it – loving you.
When I Loved You?
I LOVED You.
And it is glory, because
No matter how many times I deleted you off my computer, I will never be able to delete how I felt when I saw you walking down 4th Street.
The moment our eyes met –
we both smiled.
at the same exact time.
followed with laughter.
and when I saw you?
I saw only you.
like a camera lens filtering my vision.
Zoom In, Tilt Shift, Vignette, Center.
From the bottom of my ribs Warmth would swell and grow to the top of my neck.
I glowed when I saw you.
Your Love – Our Love.
Made me glow.
And as we got closer and closer to each other walking up 4th street
my glow increased, like the fire that surges beneath a rocketship before blast off
as the seconds and space between diminished and we finally embraced.
Only then was the glow satisfied
Taking us into space.
And I miss that, I do.
And It’s lovely to be in love,
and be loved.
But I just couldn’t do it with you anymore.
for how amazing it was – loving you.
was just as harmful.
Like a forest fire, it was exciting – but it burned for too long.
It burned for so long that it stole all the oxygen from my air.
and it turned every strong, tall, proud, green tree to a crispy, ashen, stick.
And the interesting thing about a forest fire is that although it kills life,
its ashes add nutrients to the soil.
So something new can grow.
I miss the road trip, I do.
But its Time for a new adventure.
Be well Love. Be well.